


The Cycle

by castielrisingabove



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Demon!Dean, Family, Fluff, Other, Wincestiel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-25
Updated: 2015-06-25
Packaged: 2018-04-06 01:44:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4203222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castielrisingabove/pseuds/castielrisingabove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pre-Season 10. Dean wakes up to find he's a demon...but is he worth saving?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Cycle

**Reborn**

 

By the time Dean fully wakes up, Crowley's gone, his words lingering in the twilight between dreaming and reality. Even if Crowley hadn't clued him in, though, Dean would have been able to tell something was wrong. He can feel the darkness inside and when he looks into the bathroom mirror, he can see it. Everything he's always thought of himself now manifest in his physical appearance. Dean smashes the mirror with his fist, but it only makes it worse; his reflection shining up at him from hundreds of shards, all showing the same thing. Monster.

 

Dean runs. He's so desperate not to be found by Sam or Cas (how could he possibly face them?) that Dean ditches his beloved Impala about a hundred miles out, hitching a ride with an older truck driver. All things go smoothly until the driver launches into a story about what he'd done to his last passenger, a young woman who'd run away from home. The longer he talks, the angrier Dean gets. The next thing Dean knows, he's sitting over the mangled body of the driver, covered in blood that's definitely not his own.

 

This display of violence, of how easily he can lose control, rattles Dean. He no longer accepts rides. Instead, Dean settles with stealing cars, switching off between cities. As a demon, he doesn't have to sleep or eat, which is nice. He doesn't leave a trail of motels and diners as he makes his way across the country--making his way to Cain.

 

When he finds the demon, Dean demands he reverses the effects of the Mark, to which Cain replies that the effects are permanent. The only thing Dean can do, according to Cain, is find an anchor. Something that connects him to humanity, keeps him human. For Cain, it was Collette. Later, when she was gone, it became the lonely, but peaceful lifestyle Cain leads in the countryside. He invites Dean to join him, but Dean refuses. Against Cain's warnings, Dean decides to make hunting his anchor; he sees every person he saves as a way to try and earn back his redemption.

 

For a while, it works. In fact, with his demon powers, Dean becomes a formidable force against evil. But it doesn't last. It's only a matter of time before Dean grows addicted to the violence of it all and soon, he's killing more than just the things that go bump in the night. First, it's only lawbreakers but before long, it's innocent civilians. And Dean can't stop. Can't feel. Can't do anything to keep himself from becoming the very thing he used to hunt and the worst part is? He doesn't care anymore.

 

**Reveal**

 

Of course, it doesn't take long for Sam and Cas to catch word about this demonic rampage. When they hear the demon calls himself Dean Winchester, Cas refuses to believe it. He insists the demon must be lying, must be taunting them. Sam doesn't want to dash his hopes.

 

They find Dean in Kansas, in a house two doors down from the home he grew up in. Dean has already brutally slaughtered the father and is moving on to torture the children. He's laughing, covered in blood, and when he sees his old friends, Dean laughs harder. Cas is paralyzed with horror, but Sam still has his wits about him, rescuing the family. Dean's got a much more enjoyable target, anyway. 

 

His first blow lands in Cas' lower abdomen. The second cracks his jaw. And then Dean loses track, unleashing a world of pain upon his friend. "What's the matter, angel?" Dean taunts as Cas closes his eyes, "Can't stand to look at me? Why don't you smite me?"

 

"I...won't...hurt you, Dean," Cas slurs, his head rolling weakly to one side.

 

Dean feels a twinge of something. Emotion. Weakness. He pushes it away, forcing another punch to send Cas into unconsciousness. He'd deal with killing him later.

 

"Stop this, Dean," a voice calls from the other side of the room. It's Sam, who's returned from evacuating the family. "This isn't you."

 

"How would you know?" Dean snarls, "You didn't see me in Hell. Lived longer there than I have on Earth with you."

 

"Forty years, I know," Sam says, slowly walking towards his brother with his hands raised in a sort of surrender, "But you fought it, Dean. You fought for thirty years."

 

"And after that?" A dark smile crosses Dean's face, "It didn't take much for me to start enjoying my new line of work."

 

"You came back then," Sam insists, "You can come back now."

 

"Come back?" Dean scoffs, "Don't you see?" he lets his eyes flick black, "This is what I am. It's part of my being. Can't come back from that, Sammy," he pauses, toying with the blade and shaking his head, "And I don't want to."

 

"You're wrong," Sam says bluntly, still getting closer to Dean, "My brother's in there. And he wants to come home."

 

This is the last straw for Dean. “Your brother is dead!” he roared, swinging a fist. As a human, he could have done a small amount of damage but as a demon? The punch sends Sam flying. He hits the floor half way across the room. By the time he tries to push himself up, Dean is already on top of him, his fists making contact with almost every inch of Sam.

 

“Dean...please...” Sam gasps weakly.

 

Dean stands, hefting the First Blade and smiling wickedly. “Don’t tell me you’re gonna beg for your life, Sammy. That’s just pathetic.”

 

Sam’s eyes lock onto Dean’s. Dean flicks his eyes to black, but Sam doesn’t waver. “Please, kill me first,” he groans, “I don’t know how long I can do this.”

 

“What?”

 

“Watch what my brother’s become.”

 

Dean glares, then smiles unexpectedly. “Then that’s exactly what you’ll get to do,” he says, walking towards Cas, blade raised. “Let’s see if we can get this angel to scream.”

 

He stops over the angel’s crumpled form, eyes sweeping across the room to survey the damage. Finally, his petty fears of their judgment will be gone, crushed out of him as he ends their lives. The blade in hand, its power coursing through his veins, Dean hasn’t felt so alive. And yet, for the first time in months, Dean feels something else. Sorrow.

 

He blinks, trying to push it away, to force out the weakness but as he stands above the bodies of the two people he held most dear, it comes back again. This time, stronger. Dean growls, trying to be rid of it, but he can’t. The memories come flooding back in a tidal wave of emotion and the blade slips out of his hand, clattering on the floor.

 

**Redeem**

 

“Dean?” It’s Sam, his voice hardly above a whisper as he tries, weakly, to hold his head up.

 

“Sammy?” Dean’s voice is hoarse, as though he hasn’t spoken for months, but the malice is gone.

 

Then Sam succumbs to the pain, slipping into blissful unconsciousness as Dean is left to puzzle out how such a shift has occurred inside himself. How, after months, he is free from the bloodlust and darkness burning through his veins. Cain’s words come drifting back to him; _find an anchor._ Only now, with the fear and the shame burned away, is Dean realizing that his anchors are those closest to him.

 

Or were, Dean muses, staring at the two crumpled forms before him. Now, well, he’s not so sure they’d even want to leave him in peace, much less let him return. But they’re all he has, his only ties to humanity, so Dean does the only thing he can think of. He gently loads them into the car (not the car he drove, but the Impala, which Sam apparently found) and drives to the only person he can think of to help. Cain.

 

It’s odd, driving his car after so long, and Dean can’t help but feel impure behind the wheel. He is no longer the man he wanted to be, not after everything he’s done these last few months. Cas and Sam don’t wake the entire ride, leaving Dean alone with his thoughts.

 

Cain is surprisingly understanding. In fact, he ends up doing most of the work caring for Sam and Cas. He allows, even encourages Dean to wander through the nearby woods while he waits, but with the promise that Dean will return when they wake. Dean isn’t just scared to face them, he’s terrified. They’ve seen firsthand what a monster he’s become.

 

Cas is the first to wake, blinking in the warm afternoon sunlight streaming through the bedroom window. At first, he is disoriented, confused as to how he’s made it to a strange bed in a strange home. A quick look around the room reveals Sam asleep on the bed next to him, looking pretty beat up. Quietly, Cas presses his fingers to Sam’s forehead, using some of his limited grace to heal him before wandering around the house. A quick sweep found it empty, so Cas wanders outside.

 

The beehives are the first thing he notices, Cas has always had an affinity to bees, and as he watches them crawl in and out of a hive, he looks up to find Cain standing nearby.

 

“You’re a demon,” Cas says, more as a note than an accusation.

 

“I’m a friend,” Cain replies.

 

The two stand for a while in silence, both admiring the honeybees in a sort of tentative, unspoken camaraderie. Cain speaks again. “He’s in the woods, you know,” he points past the hives towards a sprawl of trees spreading across the hillside. “Not far.”

 

Cas nods. He wanders into the forest with some trepidation, unsure of how the meeting will go. A branch snaps behind him and Cas turns, coming face to face with Dean. In the heated moment of the day before, Cas didn’t pay much attention to his friend’s appearance but now? Cas is forced to take it all in, the swirling mass of darkness that now is Dean. He can’t help but give a sharp intake of breath.

 

“Sure I’m a hell of a thing to look at now,” Dean says softly, blinking as though he’s never seen Cas before this moment, “But you? You shine brighter than the sun.” Dean looks away, ashamed. He makes no move towards Cas. He can’t.

 

But it doesn’t matter. Because Cas bridges the distance, pulling Dean into a tight embrace. He’s still weak, but he gives all he’s got, refusing to let Dean go.

 

“How can you?” Dean asks weakly, “How can you possibly do this after everything I’ve done? Everything I’ve become?” Cas doesn’t speak, and eventually Dean realizes this is answer enough. He clings to Cas’s shirt, burying his head in his shoulder and closing his eyes. “I’ve missed you, man,” he murmurs.

 

“I’ve missed you, too,” Cas replies quietly.

 

The hug is cut short by more rustling in the forest, Sam emerging from the trees, his eyes searching the forest wildly. As soon as he sees Dean, he stops. Cas lets go and Dean steps away, his eyes fearful.

 

But Sam’s reaction is the same as Cas, he practically runs to Dean as he throws his arms around him. “Don’t ever do that again,” he whispers, his voice raw with emotion. He looks up, pulling Cas into the embrace. Safe inside the arms of the two people he loves most, Dean find that, for the first time since waking up a demon, he is crying.

 

**Epilogue**

 

They have a long road ahead of them, Cain warns them of that many times in the weeks before they leave his home, but Sam truly believes they can make it through. Cas does too. Dean, for his part, is still amazed by the fact they want him back, but he’s making progress. He’s found his anchors. Or, more aptly, his anchors found him. And despite the tumultuous darkness raging inside him, Dean is at peace. No. It’s more than that. Dean is home.


End file.
